So I'm uploading some files, and I'm up WAAAY too late to be blogging on a day when I've thought way too much. But here I am. Thinking. And awake.
I've been thinking about 'enough.' What that means, and how so often I compare myself to it. And it's not even anything tangible, but something I desire greatly to be. All too often I feel like I'm chasing the horizon, but don't even know what is so great about getting past it.
I feel like 'enough' sits on my shoulder every day and wishers into my ear all the things that it's defeating me with.
You're not creative enough,
you're not positive enough,
you're not happy enough,
you're not thin enough.
You don't get enough sleep (which probably is true...),
you don't have enough (which I KNOW is not true),
you don't give enough,
you don't pay enough attention,
you don't take Pete on enough walks,
you don't cook enough,
you don't save enough,
you haven't done enough of your Christmas shopping,
you don't work enough,
you don't shave your legs enough,
you don't remember enough.
You're not kind enough,
you're not tidy enough,
you're not open enough,
you're not funny enough,
you're not a good enough speller.
And then he gets personal:
you're not a good enough wife,
you're not a good enough photographer,
you're not a good enough friend.
Enough, I think you're pretty exhausting. And as I type this, I don't know why I spend so much energy focusing on you.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes, if not all the time. And I invite you to repeat after me:
If you would kindly step out of my brain, I would be greatly obliged. Consider this your eviction. Thank you and good riddens.